I am beginning to feel like I haven’t taken a deep breath in a long time. I am jam packing my schedule again. I’ve been working full time for Professional Development) for three weeks, working part time hours at the daycare (along with an overnight tonight), and coordinating the whole house buying process. The new school year starts on Monday, and I find myself comparing myself to other teacher. Any time I start comparing myself to others, I put myself in a dangerous place, really.
I suddenly realize how many tabs I have open on a web browser, how much stuff I own, how many things I need to do, and I want to just trash it all and start anew. But even the idea of trash makes me think of clutter. I am a hoarder of research, old writing, old emails, clothes that no longer fit. I feel this desperate need to simplify before I suffocate.
Today, I threw away a bunch of papers in my new classroom. Unfortunately, the lessons and work from all the restarts I’ve done in my last two years of teaching cannot be used this year. I’m at a new school. In an effort to clean out my email (as if that really is a high priority when I should be planning my first units), I went through old emails with professors during my first year of teaching. The emails brought me back to the pain of the profession. I really hope this year is better.
I even feel bogged down by all the unread pages in the books on my bookshelf.
Comparison bears no fruit,
Branches creek (weighted)
Sigh for the vacancy of light.